A Strange Thing Happened on the Way to the Office

I got a new job.  Same place, just full-time and with benefits.  I wasn’t “in-house”… I had to interview for it; something I hadn’t done since 1980.  Thirty-five years.  I had to be myself; there was no chance to be a “better” me.  After all, they already know me there.  Me, in my weirdness.  Me, in my self. 

Why is it so hard for us to believe that people LIKE us?  Perhaps, even love us?  I am a good person.  I do good deeds.  I know in my heart that people genuinely care for me, like me.  So, WHY???  Does my brain second guess, wonder if it’s real, try to find a hidden meaning or agenda?? Did she say she was happy I got hired because she thinks I am “pliable”??  That I can be molded to fit her space?  Or…..is she really just happy for me, and thinks I will be fun and easy to work with?  That I will be a grand addition to the workplace?  I am going to go with my positive side and believe the latter. 

Because I AM positive.  I think it’s normal for us to doubt ourselves.  We don’t have to like it.  We don’t have to listen to that Doubting Thomas in our heads.  I like to tell that voice, “Well, that’s YOUR opinion, and you are entitled to it.  But….that is not how I feel.”  You see, that voice is NOT your friend.  Has that little voice ONE TIME told you that “You were freaking awesome back there, man!!!!”  “You are lookin’ good today!  Those polka dots look FABULOUS with that plaid!!!”  Has it ever once said, “The time is right….you are spot on….ask and you shall receive?”  More likely, that voice is in the back of your head, telling you that it’s NOT right, you are CRAZY if you think THAT’S ever going to happen……am I right?  Cuz, I’m doubting myself here!!!

I live my life in a positive manner.  I have downs.  I have days where I don’t feel very positive.  Generally speaking, I choose happiness.  I choose to not be a cynic.  I choose to LIKE my life, and…. I choose to surround myself with people who like their lives.  I go to my new position at my old workplace with the absolute KNOWLEDGE that I will make someone’s day better with my smile, a hug, a caring attitude, a quiet ear, or a good anecdote.

I suggest you try life my way!!

Wasps, Bees and Stinging Insects

How I hate thee, little bee/wasp/hornet.

Your sting so hot, My arm so sore, yet.

I wish you death, my venomous friend,

October’s frosts will see your end. 

A Separate Case for the In Case Ofs….

Vacations, trips….it’s a love/hate relationship.  Love to go, hate to pack.  Love the fantasy of “leisure time”, hate the reality of returning to real life.  You know, the old “reality sucks” syndrome.  So, I’m packing.  I can remember when, back in my younger days, I could grab a couple things, and be good for  week at a friend’s house.  Now, a camping trip requires an extra vehicle to haul the “necessities” with me.  I have a portable bbq AND a camp stove.  And, I need them both.  I live in the mountains, but this time, I am vacationing at the beach in Oregon.  The weather there is… at best… “iffy”.  It can be nice….IF the wind isn’t blowing, or IF it’s not foggy, or IF it’s not raining.  So, along with the things I WANT to wear at the beach, like a swim suit, a sun dress, some flipflops, I need to pack the things I (in all likelyhood) WILL be wearing….a rain poncho, a warm hat, a warm jacket for under the rain poncho.  Extra pants, extra shoes, extra socks.  So, that fills my suitcase.  Oh, wait a second… I don’t have my toiletries with me………….hahaha.  Here’s is where the separate case for the “In Case Ofs” comes in.  I need an entirely different suitcase for my IN CASE OFS!!  I need….sunscreen, IN CASE it shines, After Sun IN CASE I get too much of it, make-up (even tho it’s the BEACH and make up is RARELY required dress code there) IN CASE I go out to dinner, and then…there’s the medicine/supplement stuff…. I need something IN CASE I can’t poop. (Hey, it’s a vacation…nothing regular or normal about what you eat, or when you eat it.  Don’t TRY to deny it.) Conversly, I need something IN CASE I am pooping too much.  TMI??  I need something IN CASE my nose gets stuffy, I need something IN CASE my feet get dry, get cracked, get FUNGUS-Y, I need my lotions and ointments and special shampoos and conditioners for my special dry curly hair, AND…….. I need to pack some PATIENCE, some KINDNESS and some TOLERANCE……. just IN CASE I might need them.  Surely those will lighten my load!!

The Daily Prompt: Earworm

The Daily Prompt asks:  What song is stuck in your head (or on permanent rotation in your CD  or MP3 player) these days? Why does it speak to you?

It can change on a daily basis, of course, otherwise we would go insane.  But lately, it’s Dave Matthews Band, If Only.  His voice turns my insides to melted butter.  Muse’s Madness teases my ears with harmonies.  Los Amigos Invisibles make my body move. 

Across My Kitchen Counter

Across my kitchen counter, I have solved the world’s problems.  Many, many times.  That counter has seen discussions on every topic imaginable….from births and deaths and all manner of things in between.  It’s not a pretty counter, it’s not big.  But, in addition to being able to hold all the foods for a holiday meal, it holds secrets and stories.  It has seen tears, heard the laughter of friends and grandkids, shared my morning coffee with me.

I imagine that most everyone has a kitchen counter, or something similar….say…a table.  That spot where communication actually happens.  Where you are safe.  Safe to say what you feel.  If you are seated at the counter, or table, you have been asked to stay awhile and share yourself.  It’s not the hurried chatter of people who have places to be and people to see.  It’s the honest words between humans who are really listening and reacting to each other.  We share our days, our dreams, our scary things, and our happy thoughts.  We search for answers to unasked questions and find amazing stories of other lives.  The kitchen counter nourishes a caring attitude.  It’s a surface for bouncing ideas.  I’ve seen people clean my kitchen counter while hashing out some issue.  It doesn’t bother me when that happens; they are that comfortable in my space.  That’s what it is, simply.  A comfort zone.  I use mine for family and friends every day.  Do you?

Old Friends…..Memory Lane

“One of the greatest titles we can have is old friend. We never appreciate how important old  friends are until we are older. The problem is we need to start our old friendships when we are  young. We then have to nurture and grow those friendships over our middle age when a busy life and changing geographies can cause us to neglect those friends. Today is the day to invest in those people we hope will call us ‘old friend in the years to come.”  Grant Fairley

I have some friends that I’ve know since elementary school.  In the last few years, I have been lucky enough to rekindle ….no, remake… a friendship with them.  They are grown-ups, like me, older, with hidden gray hairs and wrinkles.  It’s typical for women our age.  Yet, when I see them, or hear their voices, my mind takes me back to playground times and cafeteria terrors.  I see them as they were.  I see the way they move is still the same.  I see the way they move and look and act looks so much like the way their moms moved and looked and acted.  I have to smile, inside myself, as I know they must see my mom…. or in my case, perhaps my dad…. in me.  That’s not a bad thing.

I like having these friends; they have a grounding effect on me.  We lived the same things in school, some things wonderful, some things horrid, and we saw these incidents with different eyes.  They have given me insight to things I didn’t understand, and I think I have given that back to them. We have known the same people for many years.  We can dredge up a memory of a science field trip, or a county fair, and together we can GO there.  You can’t take a new friend on a 35 year old field trip.

I don’t live in the past, but I do enjoy a visit there fairly often.  Just to see if it’s still there!!  It’s nice to travel there with an old friend, one who knows those backroads you missed!

I found these awesome things that you SHOULD assume!! Usually, we talk about NOT assuming too much. Today, I’m going to assume some things. Try it with me, won’t you???

The Belle Jar

1. Assume that you are loved.

2. Assume that those who love you find some kind of value in you and the things you do.

3. Assume, however, that you don’t need to be valuable in order to be worthy of love.

4. Assume that there is no one out there keeping a tally of all of your failings, ready to throw it in your face when you’re either feeling too good or too awful about yourself.

5. Assume that if anyone actually is keeping a tally of all your failings, that act says more about them than it does about you.

6. Assume that you can’t make all of the people happy all of the time; maybe not even some of the people some of the time.

7. Assume that you will, over the course of your life, sometimes anger or disappoint the people you love.

8. Assume that…

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On carpal tunnel and chronic pain

Carpal tunnel…….I do not like you. You disturb my life. You rob my sleep. You occupy my mind. I did not realize I had chronic pain, until my acupuncturist said the words. Even now, I have issues with saying “I have chronic pain.” So many people have so much more pain than I do. What about cancer patients? If I get cranky over a lil aching hand, how do they manage to stay upbeat and cheerful. I’m learning that pain, among other things, is NOT relative. Just because someone else, somewhere else is in more pain than I am, does not mean that I need to deny my pain. Or try to make it smaller than it is. I do my acu and I see a chiropractor. I stretch. I take hot baths. I use an OTC sleep aid. I try very hard to keep a positive outlook and KNOW that this will get better. I believe they can help me. A frozen rice bag helps in the night…… I lay it on my hand, and when it warms up a little bit, I put it on my neck between my shoulders. I don’t know why, but that helps me get back to sleep.
My photo today is Glacier National Park, Lake McDonald.
I reserve all rights to my photos. Thanks for stopping by.

Substitute Teaching Tips

I started sub teaching when my youngest was in 3rd grade.  I subbed steady for 13 years.  I took 3 years and ran around the nation…that’s a story for another day.  Recently, I have gone back to subbing occassionally.  I work in a middle school…some people think that’s crazy, or cray-cray, as the kids say!  I like them… middle schoolers, that is.  They have LIFE inside them, and they try SO hard not to show that they are afraid.  Their bravado and boastfulness and boundless amounts of hormones create such an interesting arena!  Respect.  I give it.  I like to get it.  I do not expect it, without extending it.  I’m good with names.  My first day in each class, I gave them their assignment, and while they worked on it, I learned ALL the names.  It was impressive to them, and let them know that I was not just a body in the room, but a WARM body in the room.  I’m not a math teacher.  I’m barely a math student.  I admit it to the kids.  I ask for help from a student who has the correct answer.   I leave a note for the teacher explaining that the class may need an extra lesson on #7.  I go home with a grimace of the smile I have held all day causing my face to hurt………but the students only saw my smile.  I talk about myself and I think I relate fairly well with most of them.  Don’t wear shirts that will gap open when you lean over a desk.  Breath mints.  Wash your hands often.  I’ve had kids get hurt during PE, kids get into fights in class, kids get sent to the office for saying nasty things, kids cutting themselves with paper clips in study hall…….kids purposefully seeing how low their scores would be if they answered “C” to every question.  On a placement exam.  Advanced students.  There is no shortage of interesting events!!  Middle schoolers are working hard to separate the little kid from the teenager….the people they come in contact with in their daily lives influence that.  Teachers, even the “guest” teachers, as we are referred to, have the ability to give guidance to each student.  To enable them to see something different.  To let them see a light.  If I have touched just one child that way, I am rewarded.

YIKES!!! DO I WANT TO DO THIS??

My first blog?!?! Do I want to share my life? My secrets? My stories?  People say , “You should!” “You’re so funny!!”  “You’re so smart!”  And I wonder who the hell they are talking to… is there someone behind me?  I read blogs that make me laugh and cry; those are the good ones.  If I can evoke feelings in a reader, through my stories, or my photos, then, that will be a reward indeed.

I’m a traveler; a wanderer.  A taker of photos…. not a photographer.  I snap hundreds of shots and if ten turn out, I am happy.  Some say I have an eye for it; a talent… perhaps I do, but talent is relative…. someone will always be better than me.  I’m good with that.

Montana born and raised, a farm girl, turned small city girl, turned big city girl, turned back to small city girl.  Three adult kids, a couple of grandgirls that mean more to me than anything else.  They are the reason for my return to small city life; I want to BE their grammy… all the time, while they are young.  I remember when it was no longer very “cool” to go to Gramma’s house.  I want to enjoy them fully while they want to enjoy me.  The funny things they do and say give me such a happy place in my head!!